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Why Women Shouldn't Make the First Move in Dating

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You know, its always good to have a few radical feminists (radfems) in your sphere of influence. They make great drinking buddies because they love to buy rounds, they always have many pairs of glasses with angular frames, they always seem to rock belt-less jeans with pockets full of trader joe’s coupons, and, after 13 a few jack and cokes, they’re usually pretty good in the sack. In fact, if i had to choose, my optimum 20 person crew would include at least two radical feminists of equal stature, just so that they could serve as go-to weekend human crutches (when you wrap each arm around a friend while leaving the bar and too drunk to walk)

A couple weeks ago, i went out for a drink with my lone remaining radfem buddy, who was mildly upset with her string of (her words) “wack-chunk relationships”. apparently, there’s been a distinct pattern with each of the last 5 or 6 guys she’s dated: initial red-hot intensity (read: “frequent and delirious sex”), followed by the men becoming aggressively nonchalant and losing interest…a literal beginning bang and ending whimper

Now, although my radfem bubby is an, ummm, radfem, she possesses all the stereotypical characteristics men typically look for in women (read: she’s pretty banging. I’d even say she’s the best looking white woman i’ve ever been cool with. )…the last person you’d think would have men lose interest, and i was curious to figure out why this was happening.

This curiosity lasted for approximately two minutes, ending soon after i asked her one question:

“How do you typically meet guys?”

Her response…

You know me. if i see someone i like, i pounce”.

…Told me everything i needed to know.

This, the “aggressive nonchalance” is what typically eventually happens when women approach men, which is why i’ve always maintained that women should never do it.

Now, admittedly, most guys would probably say that i’m nuts for saying this, that they wish more women approached instead of just standing patiently in the weeds with their thumbs up their finely coiffed asses, that theres no bigger ego boost than getting propositioned by an attractive and sober woman, and i understand that sentiment, because i feel the exact same way, lol.

Thing is, from a relationship standpoint, a woman making the first move usurps one of a man’s most basic duties: to show a woman that he has enough balls to approach her. Stripping us of that can give us the (usually true) idea that things will be excessively easy (pun intended and double entendre intended), and strips the women of one of natures inherent bitchassedness filters. The aggressive nonchalance typically occurs because he’s not really that interested…if he was he would have approached her.

Now, again, I’m not saying women don’t have a part in this. just as it’s our job to approach if we’re interested, its their job to make themselves somewhat approachable if they’re interested. Smiling, eye contact, starting conversations, subtly making your relationship status clear, responsive body language fedexing thongs to his cubicle all of this is perfectly within a women’s wheelhouse. walking up to him and saying “hey, i’ve been noticing you for a while and i think you’re sexy. lemme have your number” is not.

Honestly, and i’m challenging the readers to prove me wrong, i’ve never actually seen it work. Yeah, they may have dated a few times and exchanged some seminal fluid for a while, but i’ve never actually heard any first-hand testimony from a long-standing couple who initially met when the woman “bagged” him. not once. Again, falks, i’m challenging someone to prove me wrong.

Of course, i told my radfem friend all of this, and, of course, she didn’t listen to any of my advice. A few hours later, she actually approached a guy at the bar who she thought looked like a “hotter, younger, and straighter Anderson Cooper”.

Moral of the story: i think i have an alcohol problem

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